Definition of “Life”…

Life…….The union of the soul and body; also, the duration of their union; sometimes, the deathless quality or existence of the soul; as, man is a creature having an immortal life...

     

Its just dictionary bullshit…. The actual life is never what we want it to be…. Its filled with surprises…. Every step you take… you will be surprised and think… “hey!! I didn’t want it to be like this…”… yes.. either it will be beyond your expectations… or it wont even be close to it!!! … yes friends…. This is my “definition of life”….

Why can’t life be the way want it…. At least sometimes….Why is that life is so unfair?... Why is it that things don't always go the way you planned, or ever?... You think that you've got everything, the perfect education and job…. the greatest of friends and love… and then one thing after another constantly goes wrong…. Every time you turn around something is always holding you back from accomplishing your dreams. Of course the major factor is always “money”….. You want to take risks to try to get ahead but… it seems like whatever they are… there is always some drawback…. You try to make money on your own terms and that blows up in your face…. you feel alone almost always… and… you want to cry all the time. You can't go around burdening everyone else with your problems…. because 80% of people in this world is dealing with the same shit.

If you weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth your pretty much screwed!!!! I can't stand it when some 18-19 year old idiot working as a tuition teacher…. Though they don’t need to work extra hours after studies and stuff.. coz they don’t need to meet any ends… But the question is… why do they do it???

I also started doing it after I went to college… its coz most people there flaunt about their dad’s money and the deals their dad’s make everyday…. The talk in lakhs …. N not just hundreds…. They never think before buying anything…. Not about money at least…. Because they don’t need to…. They have credit cards…. All they have to do is… take it out from their wallet… give it to transfer the money…. And if they have money… its not just a hundred bucks….. its thousands of bucks….

Its not always about money…. Sometimes its about how you feel…. How people feel about you…. Its really heartbreaking when close ones go… its even more heartbreaking when ur best friends break your heart and leave you…. Or even they betray your trust…. Then you feel like going back to those times and correcting your mistakes about making friends….

Fear comes in your heart… it resides their…. Every time you want to make friends… you fear… I know and I can talk about such stuff….coz its all about me that am talking out here… when your boyfriend leaves you to suffer alone…it hurts… but when your childhood friends leave you to suffer alone, face everything alone…. Trust me.. it hurts even more…. It hurts so much that you feel a lump stuck to your throat and you can barely breathe….

Sometimes I feel what if things were different…. What if things weren’t so bad as they are now…. Then what would have it been like… but then I face the facts…. It’s a total pointless shit to think about the past which hurts me so much…. So I close that door….. you know… how much you tell people (who are concerned about you) that you have forgotten everything and you have moved on…. Can you say the same thing to yourself… to your heart??? Have you actually forgotten and moved on??? The answer will be NO… it has to be… think about it… everything we do…or which we did… in life is interconnected… you can never erase one portion of your life and move to another…. Whatever happens has some impact on our heart and mind (better or worst) for which we can never forget the moments… the days… or even the years…. So what I do is… think about the mistakes I did… correct them… and move forward with those events…. Its not in my power to delete any moment from my life….

People say that “School life is the most happiest days of your life”… but in my case it was always different… coz… I was always quite and alone… helpful and different… people used to seek help… get it and then kick my ass and go…. I was always used and bullied…. But I never complained…. Was scared to go to school…. But I never told my parents about anything…. Everyday I used to go to school and used to beg to God that nothing bad happens…. I used to pray every morning I got up that I don’t have to listen to all the jeers of the seniors and also the juniors just coz m different and I never said anything to anybody….. I should have… but could never do it…. Even I still can’t…. makes me cry…. World is really cruel….

I really don’t understand the world…. Really I cant…. When you want to stand for yourself… people will say that you are cruel…. You talk shit….you don’t care about anyone’s feeling…. And when you don’t people will just take advantage of you….

Is this what we call life???? I mean if it is…. Its just so vague…. So frustrating sometimes….

Anyways.. wrote a lot…. Hope you are not borred!!!!

$anchaRi…

Signing off….